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Reflection: Tues 9/9/03

Jason1365 — Wed, 10 Sep 2003 02:23:16 +0000

Reflection: Tues 9/9/03

The reading about meditation seems so foreign to me, especially the posture aspect. It seems like the whole meditation thing is kind of some sort of surreal state that I should be trying to attain. I guess that is the purpose of it – to somehow transcend into this sort of supernatural state of thought and existence. Since I am an engineer I take a more analytical look at things. When I try to meditate, I just feel like I am trying to just sit there and wait until I start to hallucinate. Then I am supposed to think this is a good thing and I have somehow achieved a “better” state of being. I am supposed to be aware or my surroundings sitting somewhere with my eyes closed listening to my breathing. Basically I am asked to cut off my mind from any significant sensory input and then I become more aware. This makes no sense to me whatsoever. This is why we have people end up in psychiatric wards. This mediation just seems to be a little more subdued reality of a “crazy” person. Some person sits in isolation from the world and then says that they know more about the world than anybody else without any input from the world.
I also think it is really weird we have to sit in a certain position to meditate in the best way. It is a fairly uncomfortable position for me because I am not very flexible. It says that after doing it for several months it will be comfortable. But after doing anything for several months is then a habit and normal, that doesn’t mean it is good or anything. I’m sorry, I just don’t get it at all. Just thinking about the entire idea does not make much sense to me. Also, I am firm believer in Jesus Christ and the Christian faith. Although meditation in this sense may not be something against my beliefs, but the thought of me finding peace in myself is something against what I believe.

Reflection: Mon 9/8/03

Jason1365 — Mon, 08 Sep 2003 20:22:31 +0000

Reflection: Mon 9/8/03

Everyone hears what he listens for.
I am not sure where I heard this little statement, but I heard it maybe a week or two ago. This isn’t any new revelation to me, because I have always believed that when a person dwells on a particular thing, it helps bring that thing to pass. This sort of mentality seems to help many, and also hurt many others. Many people spent their lives worrying about things that might happen. What this worrying is is the person listening for those things she is worrying about to happen. So when I stereotype somebody or categorize them I place myself in the position where I listen for the information to validate my unsubstantiated assumption. After gaining some information I can usually reason the information to support my reason for the stereotype. This happens to me a lot and I do not even realize I am doing it. This does not just stereotyping people, but also outcomes and situations. I know when I listen for the good things in people, that is generally all I see. Then others come and ask me why I like some person, because they have some “bad” traits. I don’t know, maybe I am blind and naive and don’t see a lot of other stuff some see. But then again, those people did not see the good side of the person either. I think many people look for the flaws and use those as excuses why another person is inadequate for something in some way. I tend to take a different approach to people. I look for the good things in a personals character and personality. It’s pretty hard for me to see any flaws in anybody. And I am glad this is the way my mind works. I cannot imagine thinking about any particular person and the first thing that comes to mind is how the person messed up in the past or something and so that person isn’t good enough for something.
It is just amazing that I can pick out a certain voice out of a crowd or a certain note from an orchestral piece. There is so much more out there we miss when we focus our energy into hearing or experiencing the one thing. We miss out on so much. I am going to try very hard this year to branch out and try new things. This reminds me of something my TCC professor said last week, “Life is habit, occasionally interrupted by thought.” I know I get into a very monotonous lifestyle, doing the same thing every week. I don’t want to get into my comfort zone of habit and just live there day in and day out. It’s time to take some chances, make mistakes and learn about myself.

Reflection: Sun 9/7/03

Jason1365 — Mon, 08 Sep 2003 01:48:44 +0000

Reflection: Sun 9/7/03

Right now my cat is sitting in front of me. She has been my cat ever since I was 12 years old. I have been away from her since my time in college, but this year she is going to be living me. Her name is Target. Many times I get weird responses from people when I tell them her name. The reason her name is Target is because she has circles on her sides which reminded me of a shooting target when I named her. That might have also had something to do with the fact I was getting into target practice with air rifles and 22’s around the time in my life. My cat has been somebody I can talk to – even though I know she doesn’t know what I am saying, but sometimes it’s just nice to talk and think you are heard. The other wonderful thing about my cat is that she loves me without requirements on how much time I give her or other such things. I take care of her of course, so that might have a lot to do with why she loves me. That is the wonderful thing about animals – they do not have the reasoning ability to justify if they should like your or not. There is no resentment, jealousy, complaining, etc from animals. There is just that unconditional love.

Stress:
Today, it has been mentioned that I do not get stressed about things. People think this is really weird, and they seem to want to stress me out. I don’t get why, really. I think some people are stressed about something and it just makes them feel better to try to make my stressed as well. I have people telling me all of these things I have to do and the deadlines and how hard it is trying to stress me out. I don’t get why, but I’m still not going to get stressed. I don’t know how people can live and be remotely happy if they are frequently stressed.
I think many get stressed because they do not have faith or believe in themselves. For some reason many people believe they are inadequate or in some way incapable of doing the things in front of them. My philosophy is along the lines of: Somehow it will get done, and if it doesn’t – it doesn’t. I don’t know, I am not trying to please anybody. If I let somebody down because I didn’t do something good enough fast enough, then that is their problem not mine. I have priorities in my life, and if something didn’t make it up there to get done, it didn’t make it. Some of my friends think that I don’t get stressed because they feel I’m smart and there is no chance I will fail a class or not be able to do something. That is completely wrong; I am no different than anybody else. The one things I can say about me is my favorite book was ‘The Little Engine that Could’ along with the motto ‘I can do anything I put my mind to’. This mentality ensures that I will do something I work hard for. If I fail, then I didn’t work hard enough on it is all.
But another big part of the stress thing is that I am not worried about the future at all. I do not worry myself about the many “if”s that are out there which could determine my future. I have absolutely no control of my life and where it is headed. I do not care, because I know that is none of my business really, that is for somebody else to take care of, God. Having complete trust that God will take care of me and what is going to happen to me makes the everyday task of just living so easy. I don’t have to worry about grades, job, money, societal status, anything. None of it matters because I know God will take care of all of that for me. If I fail a class or have no job or money, it doesn’t matter at all. I know that He is looking after me and guarantees I will live a happy and joyful life with or without money, degree, job, popularity, etc. None of those things determine if I am happy because happiness comes from within.