Not surprisingly, I’d love to go over there and help in whatever capacity I can. I have been blessed by so many others that I am compelled to do the same (not from a sense obligation or guilt) because love begets love. As I think of this idea of sacrifice, love and faith in light of what I’m currently studying (the Gospel of John) - other ideas begin to connect.

My Hope and Salvation (Jesus Christ) humbled himself as the Creator to become the created. He was deity who chose (for no good reason) to come as the most ordinary to relate to his beloved (all of us). Jesus said of his faithful forerunner, "Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist" (Matt 11:11). John fearlessly lived out his faith by fulfilling his calling - to proclaim repentance and the coming savior of the world, Jesus the Christ. His public calling for repentance angered the powerful - religious, noble and military - which led to his martyrdom only a little more than year after he began. Jesus faithfully obeyed God the Father for three years before humankind rejected his message and demanded a gruesome torture and death because his message was so contrary to our natural selfishness.

I thought of these ideas as I’m running up the final hill to my house the other morning. And, I asked myself, "If I go to Haiti, what opposition would I run into?" Most notably, I believe that my physical safety could be jeopardized and that well-meaning and caring people would advise against such an endeavor. Then, this verse (Phil 3:8) finally made sense (going from head to heart) - "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord."

For me, there are many things I want to believe and then there are the times when I realize that I actually do truly believe them. The ‘rubber meets the road’ (when life gets difficult and tragedies hit my relational life, financial situations and family members) is where the training is proven. So, that morning I honestly said to myself and God, "I consider it an extreme honor to die in the name of Christ (for I am entirely unworthy), if I can live out God’s call for my life even one day."

What does it look like to let go of the stresses of my life?  For me, I am left to wonder about life when circumstances, pain, and uncertainty hit close to home.  When this happens, how do I react?  First, I am frustrated at first that things are out of my control.  I then question God about what is going on - I want to understand; I want to feel like life (a.k.a. God) is fair.  Finally, my God reminds me who He is, His nature, and where I need to be.  It's then up to me to make the decision as to how I will react.

This is my second audio-blog which was recorded on my drive home from the hospital after my mom's surgery.  Enjoy the background music and the noise of the car ride for the 9:32 of this audio-blog.

Audio-blog: I trust you

This is my first audio-blog which was recorded on a long drive when I was visiting my mom as she was undergoing surgery.  If you are going to take the 14:19 to listen to this audio-blog, take the time to read through some of the passages of scripture and ideas that I'm going to wrestle with in this recording.  Please enjoy the background music and the noise of the car ride.

Verses:

• 1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
• Matthew 6:33 - But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Ideas:

• Sin of commission: is to know something is wrong, and do it anyway; deliberate disobedience to the known will of God
• Sin of omission: sins of failing to do what we should have done
• Temped: being compelled to sin (to act in a way that not in complete alignment with the will and nature of God and His goodness)

Audio-blog: Beyond what you can bear

One day a preacher came home and told his wife that two and a half people came to know Jesus Christ that day.  His wife was confused about what he meant by a half a person and asked if her husband implied that a couple and their small child accepted Christ.  He replied, "No, the two and a half people refer to the two children and one adult that chose to follow Christ.  For the two children have their entire life before them live for Christ's glory whereas the adult has already wasted half of her life."  Bareket went on to explain that it is much more difficult for an adult submit to Christ because the adult carried much baggage and believes many lies that must first be dispelled before he will be convinced of the truth of Christ.

Bareket focus on teaching the little children of Christ's love.  He reiterated to me that the gospel is so simple and easy to grasp that it's easier for children to accept than adults because the adults are confounded by its simplicity.  Children know they cannot understand everything and don't need to; however, us adults think we are something greater and need to be able to understand all aspects of everything before we commit.  I'm just glad that we don't live by this mentality for anything else in life - for we'd never commit to anything (name any risk - investments, projects, pursuing new ideas, etc., marriage, children, or our word).

I'd like to caveat the following story for the western mindset.  In America, there isn't witchcraft, voodoo, or other eerie mysticism.  That isn't how Satan chooses to control us; he chooses much more intellectually benign things like busyness, money, status, hedonism, and pride (our own pride in our intellectual ability to reason away the reality of the spiritual).

God opened my eyes to the spiritual world in a very real way one day while I was in a rural Ethiopian village to tell the people about our upcoming clinics and share the Gospel. I walked past a hut where my translator said they worshiped a spirit, and dark smoke filled the air surrounding the home. We also came across a large tree with fabric tied around the trunk, and I found out some of the local villagers worshiped the tree. But the biggest revelation came from two small lemons on the side of the road.

As the translator Jerusalem and disciple maker Haiminot and I walked down the dirt road, we passed another house with smoke coming from it. Jerusalem told me the family of that house worships the devil and tries to put curses on people in the village. As we continued our journey through the village, we saw two small lemons on the side of the road. I thought it was odd to see the fruit in such a random spot in rural Ethiopia, but didn't think much beyond that. I was about to continue walking, when Haiminot stopped to pick up the lemons. Jerusalem told me the lemons were actually used by the family whose house we just passed in creating their potions and curses, and then they throw the lemons on the side of the road. Whoever picks up the lemons or accidentally steps on them is supposed to get the curse. (Sidebar - this is exactly how Satan works, he uses fear and manipulation to control.)

Without any hesitation or fear that maybe he really could get a curse, Haiminot carried the lemons with him throughout the village, playfully tossing them in the air. We continued our walk down the road and Haiminot saw a young farmer who he said we needed to go speak with. We all sat down on the ground, and even though I couldn't understand the conversation between Haiminot and the farmer, it was clear they already knew each other. After sharing the Gospel, the young man didn't want to accept Christ, but said he did want to invite us into his home to learn more. Unfortunately his wife wasn't home so we couldn't speak further, but Haiminot said he'd return at a later day.

During the conversation, the young farmer asked Haiminot why in the world he was holding the lemons when he knew what potential they had. Haiminot replied that because of Christ, he doesn't need to worry about a curse having power over him since Christ rules the world. I later found out that this young farmer was actually the son of the family who throws out the lemons.

Every villager we met had a huge fear of two small pieces of fruit. When they saw the lemons in Haiminot's hands they would take a step back away from us. Children would say, "Dirty! Dirty!" and adults would fearfully shake their heads "No" when Haiminot asked if they wanted to touch the lemons. The two small lemons became a huge testament to the villagers about trust and reassurance in the power of Christ to protect us. After a long day of walking throughout the village, Haiminot went home...and ate the lemons for a snack, confident in the power of Christ.

Ultimately, the one thing I wish to say to everybody is, "be willing to give up everything you hold dear for the sake of Christ."  And, discern those things of God through the following: "Goodness, Rightness, and Beauty."  God is Good and everything I do should be "good."  Everything I do should be "right" or righteous and "seeking first the kingdom of God."  So, things may seem good and be right, but not for a certain time.  An action must have both goodness and righteousness at the time it is to be accomplished.  And then on top of that, God is beautiful and all of us should proliferate His beauty.  One thing I like to say is that, "Truth is elegant."  When I'm attempting to understand God's truths, I shouldn't have to make up complicated conjectures to account of fringe-cases.  I've always been in awe of God when I begin to understand His truths.  I fully expect that all of His truths will cause be to wonder in awe at the beauty of the simplicity.  For if I could grasp His truths and explain every fringecase, I would be in a place where I don't need God.  I know that my God loves me too much to let me do that to myself (run in overconfidence and live without needing Him for everything in my life).

How often do I (we) pray, "God strip me of everything that keeps me from you?"  What if that means he will put you into financial ruin?  What if that means he will take away your job/intellect/school?  What if that means he will leave you physically disfigured?  What if that means you would lose your family/friends?  What if that was (whatever else you think you can't live without or have change in your life)?  Would you still pray?

So, if that's not it, then it's got to be something else.  And as I see it, it's very clear that Jesus simply asks for the man's full identity to be rooted in Him alone.  It wasn't commandments/obedience that were keeping him from eternal life, but it was his security he derived from his status, power, riches, and expected longevity.

This is why I love the gospel. It's always about give up everything; lay it down; forget yourself, your money, your past, your future. Jesus goes on to say only a few verses later "I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."  Basically, I see Jesus saying that we have to give up things of great value - even things that seem like very good and beneficial things - to fully devote ourselves to him.  (But when?  How?  What does that look like?)

I wonder about the "rich young ruler" some more.  Why didn't Jesus tell him to throw a big event where Jesus could preach?  Or why didn't Jesus say that he should have the man use the money to build a trust and support the church movement?  Or a bunch of other good things that could advance the gospel?  And, I believe it's because this man's security (identity) was wrapped up in his riches.  But, I take it a step further to his achievements.  He had achieved an abundance of money and power at a young age and to give them up was unreasonable [Jesus is generally pretty unreasonable, but somehow the nonsensical lifestyle is always full of adventure, abundance, and joy].  Maybe using them to enhance the kingdom would be reasonable, but I bet the man would just find security in doing what looked good and advanced the reach of the gospel message.  Rather, Jesus cared about His character more than how many Bibles the rich man could distribute (yet another thing derive security/pride).

I see character as what is most important to God throughout the Bible - not achievement of God-type things.  I wonder why Moses wandered for 40 years, why Jacob had to wait 21 years for Rebecca, why Abraham was told to slaughter his only son (whom the promise was to come through), why Joseph was in jail for 7 years, etc.  God could have just given them their goal immediately, but he didn't.  Why is that?

Then, this same God not only wants to develop our character, but he also tests us.  Why does he test us? I wonder.  I mean, God knows everything, it's not like God needs to find out something about us (Does God wonder, "I wonder how he'll handle this?").  So, maybe the only reason for a test is so that we can see our true character plainly.  For when Abraham passed the test to kill his son Isaac, it was counted to him as righteousness (Romans 4:9).  But, God knew Abraham's heart beforehand and what he would do.  But, I bet Abraham doubted himself - if he would actually follow through and fully trust God.  But, after he put his faith and God and saw that God was faithful, how much more confidence does Abraham have in God and himself?

So, Jesus tested Philip with the feeding of the 5000 (John 6:5-15) - He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do (John 6:6). Again, why? So that Philip would see his own lack of faith.  Then we look at Jesus tempted.  I wonder about this at times, for these would have been very tough tests that Satan put before him.  For, Satan basically told Jesus that he could save the whole world from Satan's domination if Jesus would only worship Satan.  Wow, that is exactly Jesus' goal - to save the world.  There is a small nuance difference, but both routes achieve Jesus' goal to save the world.  It's just what is "good and right" as I see it.  There is the "good and right" way to achieve the goal and the seemingly straightforward and immediate way.  Jesus focused on the eternal perspective and knew that immediate gratification (no matter how tempting) is not the way of righteousness (aka God).

Where do I find my identity?  How do I handle seeing the results of the character tests God places before me (both success and failure)?  Am I willing to give up everything to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousnesses (what is good and right)?  Do I trust him over these things I'd love to find security (money, job, intellect, physical abilities, charisma, health, youth, status, etc.)?

James 4 - 13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16 As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

Isaiah 55:9 - As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Interpretation: We are incapable of determining God's thoughts through human reasoning; therefore, we are dependent on divine revelation.

These verses tell me that I can't plan for tomorrow and that I can't even imagine that I can come up with what my tomorrow should even look like.  How depressing.  What am I supposed to do?  How do I deal with topics like:

• Retirement savings
• Emergency savings
• Decision to go back to school or not
• Moving or getting a new job
• Changing my longer-term commitments: girl, friends, family, organization, activities, leadership

When I read through the Bible I get even more confused.  There are some really rich people in there and some really poor.  There are people that gave up everything to follow a calling (but how can we be sure something is that "calling"?) and people that did great things in their positions (jobs).  There are people who are well-learned and those with no education.

I guess I get frustrated at God's creativity.  For, I'd love to just be able to figure things out easy on my own.  I'd like be able to apply analysis and logic to situations in my life and figure out what to do.  But it's not that simple, simply because God doesn't want us bloat with pride by using the abilities he has given us to avoid Him.  So, it's cool in the end that I must go back to Him.  I must not have pre-conceptions of where my future is going that I'm unwilling to release.  I must constantly check-myself.

How do I check myself?  Well, I generally ask myself these questions when coming on a decision.  Of course, I'm not so objective or perfect that I always allow myself to admit the full truth, but it's definitely a start.

• Am I rationalizing/justifying my actions? (Are there excuses or self-assurance with sensical reasons?)
• Am I scared to do it and it is in alignment with God's truths (probably should take the risk)?
• Do I have peace that after (and usually before) that I've acted righteously and in complete and utter humble submission to God?
• Is this good and right?

Does this resonate?

The story is told a little like Memento – back to front.

I stand there, amidst friends at a wedding reception party.  My mind recounts some of my experiences throughout the day and I realize something – something I've known for a long time in my head, but very little in my being.  I realize that God has this great plan for me and in that great plan is this amazing intimate relationship with a very special woman.  I come to realize that this desire to date is really a desire for intimacy.  I realize that a beautiful and sweet girl is not enough.  I realize, again, that physical intimacy is never good enough – that the physical (sex) is only a way to celebrate the emotional, spiritual, and intellectual intimacy shared between a couple.

Not long before, I am hanging out with friends and a good friend of mine says, with his own girl nearby, "Hey, look at that girl's boobs" to another (single) friend of mine.  My friend's girl was not very happy to hear this – obviously, and she said that he shouldn't be looking at other girls' boobs.  Even though my friend only wanted my other (single) friend to check out the girl, it relayed a message to his own girl – "I look at other girls."  I know my friend would never consider cheating on his girl, but that isn't what is important (as I see it).  He wasn't making his girl feel like she was the only girl for him – there may be other girls he looks at.

Not long before, another good friend left the dancing of the wedding reception to go and sit with his girl and talk to her.  His motive was to make sure that she knew that she is very beautiful, the object of his attention and affection, and his priority.

I wonder how each of these girls views this boyfriend's dedication to them.  I wonder if there is a difference.  I wonder if each of these girls feels incredibly valued by their boy. [In case you don't know, I believe that the man is responsible to ensure that his girl always feels incredibly valued, secure, and esteemed highly – because that is how love plays out.]

Not long before, the best man was giving his toast to the groom and the attendees.
FYI: Personally, I see this time as a time when the best man shares memories, portrays admirable characteristics, discusses why he believes in the marriage of the two, and speaks truth and blessing into their future.

This time was spent sharing a few brief memories of the past and fairly superficial statements about the two of them.  Did he mention anything about the intimacy the two shared?  No.  Did he share what makes them great together?  No.  Did he share anything that called the audience into the relationship?  No.  Maybe, I just have very high expectations of this responsibility, however I also believe that is shared is indicative of how this close friend saw the relationship play out.  If that's the case, where is the depth?

The day before, I felt relieved.  For probably the first time, I felt that God was allowing me to experience in my being what I've thought and struggled with for some time.  I began to feel alignment between what I felt should be done and where my heart was.

The day before, I stood there completely appalled.  This was totally out of character.  This girl that has always been the most considerate and sensitive person I know just lashes out at me over a non-issue.  But, while this was happening, I felt God telling me, "I know this hurts, but you need to experience this."  I was excited and disappointed at the same time.  I was excited because I felt my heart begin to come in line with my head.  I was hurt, because this alignment would likely mean that my relationship with this fantastic girl would dwindle and fade away.

The day before, I sat in God Lab and asked questions that I've been struggling with for far too long.  Do I believe that God has my best interested in mind?  Do I believe that God's way is better than my way?  What is the big deal with dating (and marrying) somebody that doesn't share the same fundamental spiritual beliefs?  How do I come to a place where both my heart and my head (what sounds right and others I respect say is right) are in line?  Why is there this constant struggle and anguish (every-day) between my emotions, what I think is right, what feels good/right, and how God's love and good-plan plays into everything?

After much discussion, I again understood why that it's so incredibly important for me to date and commit myself to somebody with very similar fundamental values and beliefs.  Not only are there differences to overcome throughout the relationship, but the most important thing for me couldn't be shared like I need it to be.  I need to be able to share how God is great, what God is doing in my life, how God relates to everything I do, and have that special girl get excited about these things, encourage me with the truth of God, be able to understand what I'm talking about, and move along with me whole-heartedly in pursuit of God.  These things that I desire so much cannot happen with this girl that has been closely involved in my life for some time.

I realized that evening that this girl and I would never be able to reach the level of intimacy that I would need to share with somebody I date (and then marry).  There would be a plateau because she doesn't get excited about the same things (spiritual) that I do.  I couldn't share things that are so defining about me.  I could count on her to encourage me in the direction I desire to go.

This understanding is very important, but of course, it leaves me scared.  I've never dated a girl that I could share my spiritual excitement with.  So, I've always been scared to let go of a girl so amazing in all other areas because I don't know what life will be like without her.  I'm scared that because this is best I've known that there isn't something better in my future.  I'm scared to trust that God is in control and that his ways are better than my ways.  I'm scared because I've never experienced better, so it's hard to believe that there is better.  I'm scared.  I struggle.  I waver, falafel, and am inconsistent.  (God, I need your guidance.)

The day before, I spent quite some time with this girl.  And, well, one of the things I love most is discussing life, truth, beliefs, spirituality, faith, opinions, etc.  So, after much apprehension, I proposed that we watch a brief Nooma video (009 – Bullhorn).  So, we did and it was great, but I left wondering – where are the tough life questions, those that cause change?  The discussion didn't contain excitement, conviction, passion or those things that I desire to see during a discussion.  On top of that, I believe my primary love language is physical touch.  So, I get distracted easily and tend to the practices of old.  Ultimately, I left that night confused and frustrated.

So today, where does this leave me?  It leaves in a place of understanding and struggle.  I must go forth and seek God first (Matt 6:33).  God has shown in many ways when I have lived my life this way, but now that I've let dating and the desire for a girl get in the way, life has been much less joy-filled.  God is changing me and moving my heart in alignment with what I understand to be truth.  I'm scared to trust God, but I'm excited to rest assured that my future is only going to be much more precious and amazing then the best days of now – of me holding on and attempting to control my life.  I know that giving up is the only way to win.  Why don't I do it?  Why do I want to claim victory rather than give that credit to God?  Why am I so selfish and inconsiderate?  Why, Why, Why?

"Why" doesn't matter; only what I'm going to do with the situation.  And the same goes for you, the reader.  Is there going to be change?  Am I going to believe that God's way is the best way?  Are my thoughts and actions going to demonstrate that?