The Guidance/Input

1. Guiding Deck: Dream Session 2010-04-24
2. Book Highlights: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
3. Men for Marriage (for men only)
4. Living a Good Story, an Alternative to New Years Resolutions
5. Let Story Guide You [MP3 Excerpt (2MB)]
6. Facing the Giants [YouTube, MP4 (13MB)]
7. The Best Motivation Video [YouTube, MP4 (3MB)]
8. Lecrae - Go Hard [YouTube, MP4 (9MB)]
9. Disney Pixar Up! - Married Life, Carl & Ellie [YouTube, MP4 (66MB)]
10. Randy Pausch - Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams [YouTube, FLV (229MB)]

In Action

Results

We each leave the time with a list of goals, dreams, ambitions and new friends. We realize that wanting to have lived a good life requires intention throughout. We have looked at each other's goals and have figured out ways to take the next step for each other. We are connecting our friends with other friends and colleagues; we are affirming dreams; we are coming alongside our new friends to pursue the same dreams - together!

Next next step is accountability. We'll need to make sure that we all take the time to move on the next step:

• Develop the plan
• Call the friend, relative or connection
• Do the research and move in the direction we know to be right

There seems to be some demand for another one of these sessions from some friends who weren't able to attend. We'll see what happens - who wants to spearhead the next one? Follow your dreams and make simple things like this happen!

How often do I (we) pray, "God strip me of everything that keeps me from you?"  What if that means he will put you into financial ruin?  What if that means he will take away your job/intellect/school?  What if that means he will leave you physically disfigured?  What if that means you would lose your family/friends?  What if that was (whatever else you think you can't live without or have change in your life)?  Would you still pray?

So, with these encouragements and a renewed energy and passion for life, I am excited to take the quarter-life crisis head-on. I will be traveling to Ethiopia to diagnose and treat as many people as I can (for free) (I also get to learn and practice basic nursing techniques). I will then head over to Thailand for a couple weeks with a friend to experience part of the continent that I’ve tried to get to for 5 years. I may have an opportunity to work in Korea (long-shot) for 6-12 months as well. I have starting taking public transportation so that I can reduce daily stress, but also focus myself on bigger, more fun, dangerous, and noble things. I realize that the constant daily activity is keeping me from writing a thrilling story with my life.

With that, I conclude with something like the roasting that was given to me by a great friend on my birthday.

Why Jason Lund is Astonishing

Historical Accounts: Chosen

Born on June 3, 1982 to Dick and Mary Lund, God chose Jason to be born into a family with loving, fun, problem solving parents.

Jason was also chosen to have amazing problem solving skills he uses to repair cars, build pig roasters, fix beds, construct computers and help friends deal with trauma.

Jason was chosen to be BFSS (Big, Fast, Sexy, Strong). Big enough to ride a motorcycle, fast enough to be a state track champion, sexy enough for a girl to put a garter belt around his thigh and strong enough to survive a cinder block assault.

Jason was chosen not to sit still. He is always active, always helping, always improving, always giving joy, always on consulting.

Historical Accounts: Fearless

Jason is not afraid to inspire his parents to love Jesus more.

Jason is not afraid to love.

Jason is not afraid of committing to a 30 year mortgage.

Jason is not afraid of hazing.

Jason is not afraid of being pushed in the fire by Jim.

Jason is not afraid to challenge people.

Jason is not afraid to give a girl her own cookies back as a Christmas gift.

Jason is not afraid to tell girls he doesn’t like them, won’t sleep with them.

Jason is not afraid to go on 3 dates in 1 night.

Jason is not afraid to meet a ton of new people.

Jason is not afraid of the unknown future.

Jason is not afraid of Africa.

Jason is not afraid to lead a small group on dating though he had never been in a Christian relationship.

Historical Examples: Strong Friend

Jason bought and maintained a house to create a place for real men to experience real discipleship.

Jason mentored college students from American University and inspired Chi Alpha at UVA on his return speaking tour.

Jason refuses to speak poorly of Kristi Lauren, Catherine, Jennifer or Janna (ex-girls).

Jason forgave Phil, when Phil offered to set up Jason with Christine and then changed his mind and dated Christine.

Jason actually maintains platonic friendships with girls after they have the “we’re just friends conversation.”

Jason continues to seek out the opportunity to spend time with old friends who live far away by dedicating vacation time.

Jason will hunt down anything for any friend from anywhere on Craigslist.

Jason lends his skills, possessions and time to all his friends.

After departing from The University and moving to the Washington D.C. area, I quickly attempted to get involved in a church and small group. However, I wasn’t satisfied with the small group I found, and remembered what Pete told me before leaving - that I should “look to lead.” My good friend and I began a discussion group, which, at first, consisted of friends. I would choose a challenging and unconventional topic to discuss each week, and would present multiple perspectives, whether Christian, secular, or another religion. This went on for a little over a year. I had the opportunity to challenge the beliefs and values of those from whatever world view/religion. There, I had the opportunity to challenge the beliefs and values of people from varying religions and with myriad world views.

I was living out the driving principals of my life - seeking first God’s Kingdom and righteousness. Consequently, I next realized the need for a base where those perusing Christ could be encouraged, live freely, and know that they had a sanctuary to continue to fight the cause of Christ. The Embassy was born in July 2005. It is a house of guys striving to live out their individual call to be “ambassadors” (2 Cor 5:20; We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us…) for Christ to the Washington D.C., area and to the world. One of the guys , a banker, is actively working to bring relief to both Christian and non-Christian Burmese through missions work. He is also working on developing a Congressional Bill for economic sanctions on Burma to end the oppression. I’ve been humbled that God would allow me to watch the lives of my housemates change because of my obedience to follow His call on me to create a refuge for His children in this city. I strive to lead the house by fostering authentic friendship and by challenging the guys to change their world each day. Several of the guys have started up Bible-study-type meetings at their places of employment, and one of these places is known to be openly hostile to the Gospel. In addition to the guys in the house, I also challenge the guys in the small groups I lead to do the same. I have had the pleasure of watching these friends learn God’s truth intellectually and take it into their being, their identity. In only a few short months, one guy went from not caring about God at all to faithfully trusting in all God has for his life. He has also developed a heart for the homeless. I’ve known him to walk by a homeless person on the street on his way to a dinner party and leave mid-party so that he could buy the man clothes and food. He realizes God’s blessing on his life in such a way that he now gives money to a homeless shelter any time he neglects to thank God for each meal he is given. He explains this by saying “If I’m not grateful, I know somebody else will be.”

God has also blessed me with opportunities to live out the passions He has placed within me. I know God has blessed me with the ability to solve business problems with the use of technology – hence my current job of IT consulting. After going on several missions trips, I realized that I wanted to bless people in ways that align with my gifting. God soon gave me an opportunity to do just that. He led me to a lady who wanted to start a small internet café business in Uganda, to provide for the needs of local orphans. The café would serve as a source of revenue for the orphanage as well as a base in the nearby city for the orphans and the organization. The café would provide the children with clothes, food, an education, and hope in God and their future. Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I pursued the opportunity, and two months later I was in Uganda learning, meeting, teaching, developing, and overcoming difficulties.

I will continue to live out the truths of God that have brought me here and look to impact the part of the world that God has entrusted to me. I will remember that obedience is always better than sacrifice and that I’ll never know what is on the other side of obedience, which, I’ve learned, is God’s love language. When I see God and tell Him my life story, I know that it will not be boring, mundane, and comfortable (a.k.a. uninteresting), but will be filled with adventure, heroism, and God’s kingdom brought to this earth. I will “Chase the Lion” and be on the offensive against the principalities of this world (the Evil One). I will find my strength only in defining myself as one who only has value because of Jesus, and for no other reason. I will challenge, ask hard questions, confess, impact the world, live a life of integrity, and bring God’s kingdom to earth while living out my freedom from oppression from society, the church, my family, or anything that hinders me from passionately living out God’s call for my life, today.

Did you know that currently, 77% of Uganda's overall population are youth and of that, 30% are orphans?

On August 3rd I am going to Uganda to start a project that will enrich local communities, rescue child soldiers from bondage, provide orphans with an education and basic healthcare, and give the orphans hope for a future free from poverty.

To achieve these goals, local Ugandans will run an internet cafe to generate a sustainable revenue stream allowing the profits to be used to support the orphanages. My role on the project is to start the internet café, train the employees, and provide business and technical consultation to stabilize the business.

I share this vision with you because I realize that success cannot be achieved without the support from my friends. I would like you to participate in this endeavor through some of the following areas:

• Prayer: If you have a relationship with Jesus, I'd love to have you pray with me.
• Advice: If you have insights, wisdom, concerns, or questions, please contact me. If you have ideas for business in developing nations, regional contacts, or economic models for sustaining this type of work, let's brainstorm.
• Financial Support: My financial goal is $2,500 for my trip with any additional funds going toward the $13,000 start-up cost of the internet café. If you would like to help fund the trip, business, and orphanage, please send your tax-deductible donations made out to Antioch Allocation by:
  • Mail: Antioch Allocation
    6 N. Montague St.
    Arlington, VA 22203
  • Paypal: Credit Card / eCheck

I will share my experience at http://uganda.jason1365.com and keep it updated with new insights and issues as I continue on this journey. Thank you for considering to partner with me to change the lives of Ugandan orphans through business development.

Over the past couple of years, I have come to realize a couple things about my life –

1. First, God has created me with passions and purpose. I see more and more that my purpose is to pursue these passions within me.
2. Second, I desire to help those in need – those afflicted, those rejected and forgotten, the poor and needy. Why God gave me this passion, I do not know. However, I cannot deny my passions or purpose.
3. Third, I have become frustrated with the mentality that somehow God cares about religious stuff and not where or how we spend each day. Working in business development/improvement and technology is another aspect of life that excites me every day. I very much enjoy my job. However, I have begun to think that God, business, technology, profit, faith, employment, and innovative ideas should all come together in some beautiful way. I'm not entirely sure how that looks yet, but I know that I will strive to create this sort of environment.

So, when a friend passed on a message to me that a woman wanted to care for the orphans of Uganda through business development, I saw a perfect opportunity to act on my passion and start to fulfill my purpose. Of course, I've never done anything like this and I'm naive enough to push forward on developing a business in Uganda. As I see it, a missional business in Uganda can have profound impacts on the local community. A missional business could be defined as a business with the desire to honor God and serve others by giving themselves away.

I'm excited to think about the amazing opportunities this provides for the orphans and local residents:

• The orphans will have internet access.
• The profits will support the teachers’ salaries to provide the orphans with an education, hope in the future, and knowledge of God's greatness.
• Orphans can learn technical, business, and ethical skills by working in the internet café.
• The orphans will have work producing goods for the coffee shop integrated in the internet café and running that aspect of the business.
• The internet café can be used for community training.
• Starting an internet café (a business) and stimulating the economy is what Africans both want and need right now.

This step of faith through my Ugandan venture is showing me some major issues in my life. One of which is the fact that I began to think that I could somehow succeed on my own abilities. For a while, I believed that I was smart enough entrepreneurially and technically to be able to do this on my own. However, because God is good, he let me know that this endeavor would go nowhere as long as I thought that this was my project, my goal, and my success. I am realizing that my self-centeredness continues to get in the way of pursuing my passions and purpose. I'm learning that my purpose is to not only pursue my passions, but to pursue them knowing that it's because of God's sovereignty that anything at all can be accomplished.

Ultimately, I hope to grow and be able to see myself as a man who serves his God and those people that I am burdened for, a man who pursues passions to live out his purpose, a man who realizes that God wants to be a part of every part of my life, a man who abhors selfishness and pride in my own life, and a man who cares for the people of the world.

I hope that you have been able to take a look into my life and my heart. If any of this excites, frustrates, or confuses you, then let's take some time to talk about it. I'm always looking to hear input because I know that I miss things and mess up frequently. Please consider partnering with me on this and future endeavors to enrich our world. God is good to bless those who bless others in profound ways – ways in which words cannot describe.

Yet, what is the purpose of good stories?  What is the purpose of attending a church?  What is the purpose of studying the Bible, etc?  If this time does not bring about action and change, what good is it?  I don't know.

I haven't had many interactions with the older generation (60+), but from my little interaction, I have found complacency and a desire to hear good things and blessings.  Maybe a mentality sets in that after so many years one has sacrificed and served enough.  I hope that mindset never comes into my life.  Why live when life is about comfort, ease, blessing, fond memories, etc?  How meaningless, meaning (at least thus far for me) comes from giving of myself (out of God's abundant blessing on me) to/for others.  I hope my whole life embodies this if I live so long.

Let me start off by telling you a little bit about how I came to be here today.

After spending the first 16 years of my life attending a private Baptist school, I had the opportunity to leave the Christian life behind me.  And I did completely that.  From 16 to 21, my entire focus in life was about my own pleasure.  If I wanted something and didn't feel like paying for it, I would steal it.  I manipulated and abused the hearts of some wonderful girls in my life for my own pleasure.  I filled my life with alcohol and sex to further fulfill my desire to "live it up."

I came to a point where I was so fed up with my lifestyle that I called out to God for help.  He first completely and instantly took away my desire to steal.  Soon thereafter, he removed my desire for sex and then finally for alcohol.

God placed a desire for Christian community in my heart, leading me to buy a house and intentionally fill it with guys who are living out God's calling.  I have had the blessing of watching God bring my parents into the Christian family in the past year.

1 John 3:17-18
How does God's love abide in anyone who has the world's goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action.

These two verses stand out to me because they call me to help those in need in a loving fashion.  I was challenged by this calling because it's different than how I was living my life.  I gave money to my church and rejected those in need who asked for help.  I realized that God is not calling an institution to love, because institutions can't love.  People love.

Because of this conviction, I set aside part of my income to give to those I encountered in need.  So, I went to the bank of filled my wallets with 5 dollar bills.  I was determined to give these bills out to homeless that asked for help.

This resolution was first fulfilled when I passed a homeless man standing in the cold rain asking for help on my way to church.  I somehow thought that I was too busy to stop and help the man.  Then I told God that I would give the man all my cash if he was still then when I came back through.  About 6 hours later I came through around midnight and it was still raining and cold and the man was still there.  Although my pride and selfishness didn't want to, I stopped and handing him all my cash.  I found out his name was Glenn.

A short while later, I was heading out to lunch with some co-workers, still with money for the needy in my wallet.  Just like high school, I felt pressure to fit-in to what I thought they would like.  So, as we approached a needy man in the mall; I realized that this was going to be an opportunity to demonstrate my faith.  Even though this man wasn't asking other's for money, I knew he would ask me for some.  Just as we approached, he looked at me and asked me if I had any change I could spare.  I glanced at him and said, "No Thanks" and kept walking.  I looked back into his face and felts as though I saw Jesus looking back at me, disappointed.  I was reminded of, Matthew 25:45 "Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."

Not too long ago, a friend of mine and me went back out to this man, Glenn, that stands on the corner of Washington and Sycamore one night.  We found him lying on the sidewalk in the 10 degree weather while his friend Laney was in the street begging for money.  We got him up, and listened to him tell a story of how he almost died several weeks earlier because he told God that he didn't want to live anymore.  He continued by saying that when he found himself lying in the road in a pool of his own blood, he told God that he was just kidding.  Somehow a woman got him to a hospital where he recovered to continue his life of begging on the street.

We talked with the two of them for a little while, learning about how they both love God in the midst of their poverty.  They are constantly reading the Bible through and through and grateful for God blessing them with the few people that care about them.  We asked them if there was anything else they needed, after giving them gloves, hats, coats and socks.  They told us a few things they could use, and we immediately went to Target, purchased what they needed and gave it to them.

As I left these two wonderful people, God reminded me that the spiritual word is different.  Matthew 20:16 "So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

I strive to continue to love those around me.  I now know that God wants me to bless others by loving them.  I now know that institutions or churches don't love, because they can't.  People love.

The Savior was now thrown to men quite different from the eleven.  The face that Moses had begged to see - was forbidden to see - was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20).  The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow.  His back, buttocks, and the rear of his legs felt the whip - soon they looked like the plowed Judean fields outside the city.  " On with the blindfold!" someone shouts.  "That's it - now spin him.  Who hit you?  Heh, heh."  By the time the spitting is through, more saliva is on him than in him.  No longer can he be recognized.  "Cut him down from the post!  Send him toting his crossbar to the playground."  Up Skull Hill to the welcome of other poorly paid legionnaires enjoying themselves.

"On your back with you!" One raises a mallet to sink in the spike.  But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist.  Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own.  Who supplies breath to his lungs?  Who gives energy to his cells?  Who holds his molecules together?  Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17).  The victim wills that the soldier live on - he grants the warriors continued existence.  The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm - the sensations it would be capable of.  The design proves flawless - the nerve performs exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift up the cross.  God is on display in his underwear, and can scarcely breath.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread.  He begins to feel a foreign sensation.  Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart.  He feels  dirty.  Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being - the living excrement from our souls.  The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.

His Father!  He must face His Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross.  Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath.  But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky.  The Son does not recognize these eyes.

"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so?  You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped - murdered, envied, hated, lied.  You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten - fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed.  Oh the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned!  Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name?  Have you ever held your razor tongue?  What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk - you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents.  Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons?  Does the list never end!  Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp - buying politicians, practicing extortion, filming pornography, accepting bribes.  You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves - relishing each morsel and bragging about it all.  I hate, I loathe these things in you!  Disgust for everything about you consumes me!  Can you not feel my wrath?"

Of course the Son is innocent.  He is blamelessness itself.  The Father knows this.  But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must take place.  Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin.  Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"

But heaven stops its ears.  The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply. 

The Trinity had planned it.  The Son endured it.  The Spirit enabled him.  The Father rejected the Son whom he loved.  Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished.  The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied.  The Rescue was accomplished.

God set down his saw.

This is who asks us to trust him when he calls us to suffer.

I have had well-meaning friends desire to "help" me. It's real sweet. It is really is. Very admirable, caring, loving, etc. It's awesome. But, honestly, who can help me. Somebody who is going where I am going can help me. Somebody who has been where I want to be. That is who can help me. Dreams, aspirations, visions, desires, and fantasies do not change the facts. Life is a journey with a destination.

So, what is it that I need now? I need to move into living life rather than doing life.

The other really annoying thing is that I feel totally worthless without attention from others. It's like the most pathetic thing in the world to say. I mean, doesn't that sound totally vain? What if I didn't get attention from those around me? What if I went to a party and knew nobody? What if I was around a bunch of people I thought were friends and they were all talking to each other and not me? What if somebody did talk to me and I felt like it was totally superficial? I mean, I get pretty fed up with the world and everybody. Without attention, I begin to assume, stereotype, and criticize each person around me for not being real, or authentic, or caring, or having any positive characteristics. I begin to identify flaws in others – oh, they are superficial, materialistic, or a phony/poser. Or maybe these others have deep-seeded issues, like identity issues, a need to be seen as perfect or nice or considerate or together or fashionable or cultured or smart or athletic or friendly or whatever else.

What is wrong with me!?!? Seriously, where do I get off having these thoughts? I am the one with the issue. I am somehow all screwed up. Why? How? Is there a resolution?

Pursuing: The contentedness in existence. The security in the uncertainty. The thrill of the unknown. The fun in monotony. The excitement of being alone. The fulfillment without accomplishment. The confidence without others' approval.

God knows. God cares. God changes me. I am the problem – not others.

God, change me. I am so selfish to desire you to change others to fit my desires. Kill this me that isn't me. I'm spent.

If this is confusing, doesn't make sense or whatever then disregard. Otherwise, hope it's interesting and provides insight into what's going on in my life in some weird way. I need to get some of these deep issues out of the way. Time away. Time alone. Time of fear.

I'm searching for restoration. Frustrations are great because change comes.

Stop. Reflect, Listen. Ponder. Question. Desire. Change. Move. Radical.

............

Ok, maybe I'm being a little overdramatic, but let's retrace the events. Life has been full of joy and excitement since I decided to stop trying to run my own life. This was how I knew that God cared, was involved, and wanted the best for me. This sort of feeling had been a constant.

A month ago though, I seemingly lost most of my desires and excitement for many things. The things that I would instantly become exited about were of no interest to me. I was not enjoying being around people. I was not optimistic about the day. I wasn't excited to meet up with people. I wasn't excited to talk about God and his goodness. I didn't care to meet with people, listen to them, or share truth. I had unallocated time where I didn't want to do anything.

As I noticed my free time increasing and my reluctance to do the things that normally excite me, I began to get frustrated. I was frustrated because I was feeling that God was pulling away from me. I was feeling that my life had significant purpose and value and was now abandoned.

I was frustrated and quite angry with myself. Why would God pull away? I had to resolve this frustration with an answer in line with the nature of God. As I read through Judges and Samuel (in the Bible), I began to understand that God pulls away from the ones he loves so that his people will return to him. He passes judgment on our disobedience so that we remember our dependence on him and his goodness. He reprimands for our good.

So, where have I been disobedient? Where am I ignoring God's direction? Where in my life am I driving something between our relationship?

It didn't take long for me to determine my error. This realization came about the time of the Marine Corps Marathon. For some time now, God has prodded me to live out my convictions. I say I stand for integrity; I consistently talk about being 'real'; I imagine myself to be one who is strong to do what is right and best rather than follow selfish desires. But, I find myself lacking significantly.

For quite a long time I have fostered a dating-type relationship with a girl in my life. I have known the entire time that I should not be involved in any sort of romantic relationship with her, but I neglected this rational for many good reasons (at least as I see it). I knew that my actions (and lack of action) was going to lead to hurting both of us because I knew that ultimately we could not pursue a dating relationship. But, my selfish desire for attention, romance, excitement, companionship along with my arrogance prevented me from make the right decision long ago.

Nonetheless, this life frustration was telling me very plainly that I have not been obedient to God's consistent reminders and that he (and I) was getting tired of waiting around for me. So, I decided that I needed to take action, but what?

I brought this up with the guys in The God Lab and I just talked and talked. Somehow that seems to draw out resolution. The more I talked about where things have been, where things are, and why I see this relationship as I problem, it became evident that I needed to simply follow the direct teaching of Jesus.

Matthew 5:29-30

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Jesus very plainly states that we are rid ourselves of those aspects of our life that cause us to sin. This relationship was plainly an aspect of my life that brought many other evils (which is for another discussion). So, I felt it only appropriate to completely end the relationship. Sounds harsh – and it is – but I had tried the "just bring friends" thing more than once before, only to find myself back in the place I wanted to avoid.

Letting go is hard. Sacrifice is what? Sacrifice: giving up something of value for something of greater value. Of course, she is amazing in many regards and very valuable to me, but priorities exist for a reason. Is my relationship with God more important than any other relationship - no matter how great? Yes, it is. It has to be. I know that a good relationship with God will only bring about good relationships with others. It just seems that there should be some way to resolve this conflict without letting go completely. But, God requires obedience in faith. I trust completely that I am in obedience to God's direction. If I am, then I know that only good can result from this and I wait in excited anticipation of the future.

I also have to trust this is best for her. I know that I have brought hurt and confusion into her life and I trust that these complications will go with me gone. For some reason, it's not too hard for me to trust God with my life, but I do have a hard time trusting God with the lives of others. It isn't easy for me to trust that God is going to take care of her without me around. But God is good and desires good for all. I really have no control over life situations in my own life – much less in her life.

I pray that my actions and mistakes through life do not hurt others.� What do I care about pain and/or suffering of myself for my actions? But God, please do not allow others to hurt because of my many faults.� I accept the consequences for my actions. I trust that you will sustain me through those consequences and restore me - only because you redeem for no good reason.

So, as I wait for life events to move and seek to see God's hand in coincidences I realize that God gives and takes away my passions and desires. He can fill me with excitement or bring me into a depression. He has a purpose and knows what is best at this time to bring me into his will. I don't control anything, I can only response to his promptings.